i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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