i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
