I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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