Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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