The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
