My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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