I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
