she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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