I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
