My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
