: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
pray to the hookup gods
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