You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
