i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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