I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
