help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
