Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
