Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
