fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
