Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
