Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
