I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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