guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
