When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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