If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
