somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
