I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
