Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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