Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
