someone owes me an orgasm
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
