Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
