You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
