First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
