The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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