Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Come see our sink grown plant.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
