i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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