if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
