I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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