U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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