What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
