fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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