i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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