what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
