part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
