I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
