Non-Jews are for practice
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
