just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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