I was born with a shot glass in my hand
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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