You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
