I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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