my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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