I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
