You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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