Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
