If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
