When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
