do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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