the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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