she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
